So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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