We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
