sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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