just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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