That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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