I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
