I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
