it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize