We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
soo... how was my night?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
