Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
