I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
