I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
