So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
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They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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