Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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