So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
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Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
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Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Someone signed my nipple.
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