I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
