her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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