I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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