Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
