Your dad touched me again.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
