He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
