I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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