there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
