Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.