girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
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Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.