just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!