tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
