I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
