So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
