Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
