ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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