thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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