whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
