well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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