i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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