I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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