Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
