I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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