It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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