so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
