I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
