I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
