At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
