Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
