I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.