That's when you crack a 10am beer
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes