i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
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Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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