so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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