I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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