operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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