I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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