Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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