It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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