So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He has the fingertips of a God
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