Kiss
Puke
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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