32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I forgot wine drunk hurts
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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