i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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