yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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