he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
